Disclaimer: I don’t mean this to bash or talk negatively about anyone. I’m just sharing my experience of being ghosted. No names will be mentioned to respect the privacy and integrity of others.
Getting ghosted is never a good feeling, but never have I ever thought I would be ghosted by my employer. First of all, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, ghosting is when someone cuts off all communication without a warning or explanation. When I ghosted, I felt abandoned, unimportant, and honestly a bit worthless. I’ve spent years giving my best and putting in the work. I truly felt that I’ve made connections with some beautiful people, so to be disregarded without so much of a “we decided to go in a different direction” is unsettling.
I spent months questioning my worth, my work ethic, and my skills as a writer. As I consistently attempted to reach out there was no response, just the realization that business will go on. I’ll admit I struggled with my insecurities and depression at the time, so I was very hard on myself. I internalized a lot, which then led to a downward spiral.
As much as a shock it was for me, there are things to be considered. One, maybe things are going on personally and professionally. Maybe, I kept going to spam, maybe I shouldn’t take things personally. Although I took a moment to extend empathy and compassion. The fact of the matter is this is extremely unprofessional. So I fell back. This is not what I needed at the time or deserved.
I bet you’re wondering how this became the best thing for me, I’ll tell you. This was a teachable moment, it reminded me not to take anything personally. Things will happen but taking things as a personal attack just hurts you in the end. It can lead to bitterness, actions you may regret, and a lack of self-worth. As hard as situations may be, we have to move forward for ourselves. Instead, allow compassion and forgiveness to do its thing and move forward. It’s not easy, I know, it took me a year or so to find my confidence as a writer (coupled with other things going on at the time). I’ve been on a constant journey of not letting situations define me and loving myself through the good, bad, and ugly. In the words of Charlamagne da God, it was a guided misdirection.
Lesson number two, never ever put all your eggs in one basket. Like never; multiple streams of income are the way to go. Although I learned this lesson years ago, it just reinforced it. Just take a look at how the economy has gone through recessions, Covid, and the unexpected. Can you imagine if that was my only source of income and my lively hood depended on it?
“Stay ready so you ain’t gotta get ready”
Another teachable moment is the power of the tongue. I did spin the block over a year later to express my thoughts respectfully and professionally and give it one more go. Some of y’all might not have done this, but I was inspired by a friend to express my point of view for closure and perspective. Accountability is important, I would hate for this to happen to anyone else. I also saw a lot of changes take place with the company and also thought that could have influenced the lack of communication. If I didn’t get a response, I would bury it and move on. I kid you not, the moment I started writing this post, I received an email response with an apology, explanation, and offer to continue with a pay increase.
Did I take it? Sure did. And for those of you who wouldn’t, I get it. But… to drive back to my point of not taking things personally, it’s another opportunity. This is an opportunity to publish, not only on this platform but others. I chose not to let ego and resentment get in the way of my money. I’ve healed and I understand this has nothing to do with me or my skills and in a crazy way… it made me better for it. It’s business as usual, my goal is and always will be to connect with people and educate and inspire. I have a chance to do that on a bigger platform.
To conclude, ghosting someone (especially in a professional setting) sucks. I urge you not to internalize it. Ghosting says more about the ghoster than it says about you. This situation made me eventually realize my worth again, extend compassion and empathy, and not let situations influence me to act any way outside myself. I advocated for myself and I healed and moved forward through all of it.
Continue to live in your truth and passion, even through the roadblocks.